A & I are both sad about this distance arrangement for the first trimester. I assure her that the telltale outward signs — belly popping, baby moving, etc. — won’t happen until we’re together. All she’s missing are the other outward signs, like vomiting, sleeping 11 hours a day, giving in to my basest food cravings, and crying over the tv and the internet.
And all that is true.
But it doesn’t make this part not shitty.
I’ve been basically hiding in the bedroom. I tend to retreat there when A’s not around. I think it’s because it’s small, and being contained doesn’t make me feel so lonely. But it means that the rest of the house had become — in less than 2 weeks — a repository for…stuff & things. Today when I got up, I made myself clean the bathroom, do laundry, wash dishes, and clear off the table for both eating and working. It looked like someone had vomited books all over the house.
I worked downstairs all the rest of the day. I think I gotta force myself to do this.
This weekend I’m going to LA to visit my bff. Next weekend I see A in the midwest. The weekend after, she’s here (and we have our first OB appointment!). This will be good. And then we’re almost done with this.