Bouncing back-ish

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel pretty woe-is-me. But I was thinking this morning: I have never felt so simultaneously in awe of my body and so physically vulnerable at the same time.

During my qualifying exams, my committee asked if I felt I could still feel “wonder” with regards to displays of the body, and I said I wasn’t sure…but probably not. And you know, it’s true when it comes to some things. But my own body is being really impressive, for better and worse.

Last night I had this bulge right below my tatas when I was reclined in bed for our routine pre-sleep internet episode. I had A reach over and feel it, pointing it out as legs. But then I pushed around, felt some movement and realized it wasn’t baby at all. I’m pretty sure it was…basically all my other abdominal contents squished up and protruding because of my position. Crazy shit.

I think: my abdomen was cut into and is now healing AND continuing to stretch to monumental proportions so that the HUMAN inside it can develop. Then this morning: sciatic nerve pain when I got up.

What a fucking roller coaster.

I was also thinking it might be useful to think about things I’ll miss about being pregnant so that I don’t turn into *just* a waddling ball of resentment and weepiness. So I’m gonna think on that and write it up. Baby steps.

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4 thoughts on “Bouncing back-ish

  1. Well, for what it’s worth, I think you’re entitled to a little woe-is-me-ism. 😉 You are, after all, dealing with pregnancy, your own health issues/surgery, and those of your wife, all at once. That’s enough to drive anyone crazy.

    looking forward to reading your post on the things you’ve liked and will miss about pregnancy…. hopefully you will be a happier camper after writing them? maybe? Hang in there. You are (both) doing great!

  2. i didn’t have all the stuff you’re going through, but i did have sciatic nerve pain. it sucked but i’d forgotten about it until i read your post. it really will be a distant memory soon.

  3. Ah, sciatica. The thrills of being a tall woman, coupled with the extras of pregnancy. I haven’t had any yet, but I’m expecting plenty, since it shows up on its own from time to time as it is. I remember when my best friend was pregnant that she said her ribcage expanded exactly one inch every week–we measured, and it did. Just freakin’ amazing.

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